Eiresol Style

Organisers of Galway’s Annual Wet T-shirt Competition, scheduled to go ahead this June, have announced its cancellation due to the city’s ongoing water contamination crisis.

The Wet T-shirt competition is the centrepiece of the world-renowned Galway Nudes Festival, which has taken place in the city every year since 1980, and its abandonment is a massive blow to the city’s tourist industry. Festival Manager Paul Drumlin yesterday confirmed the news:

“I’m devastated to make this announcement, but the health and safety of the participants and spectators is the number one priority here. Needless to say, water is fundamental to the competition, and it just wasn’t feasible to boil that amount of water, then letting it cool, before hosing it on the ample bosoms of 200 nubile young ladies.”

Every year, an estimated 500 gallons of water is harnessed from the River Corrib and redirected to the Spanish Parade where it is sprayed on the chests of the T-shirt-clad female contestants, who come from all over the globe to compete in one of the world’s biggest and most prestigious water-based titillation contests.

With the wet t-shirt competition being the main tourist draw, the other numerous events in the Nudes Festival, including the Flashing Fleadh, the Ann Summers Irish Bra Opening Championship and the Guinness World Mooning Competition, will also not go ahead, despite them being non-water related.

“There was no other option but to cancel the whole festival,” says Mayor of Galway Liam O’Brilcréim. “Ticket applications were down massively compared to last year. It seems that people’s fear of contracting the cryptosporidium parasite outweighs their desire to leer at naked people for two weeks.”

Since the outbreak, Galway County Council has received most of the blame for failing to introduce adequate treatment of the local water supply. However, others, like Fr. Jarlath Lonergan, take a more apocalyptic view of the situation:

“The water contamination crisis is merely manifestation of God’s judgement on Galway City. This is the first of many disasters that will befall it for hosting such a hedonistic and sinful event as a festival of nudity. Like Sodom and Gomorrah before it, Galway will be destroyed for incurring His wrath!”